A Little More Music to my Woe about Mattering

(This time not written in the dead of night)

A few weeks ago I wrote a lame ass poem about how my creative genie had left me. Swept away, windblown I said. I don’t know where I get that from. Sometimes my lameness just kicks in and comes out in the form of an overdressed poem. Well anyways, I was complaining about losing my muse and now look at me pushing two blog posts a day for absolutely no one to read. It would be nice to have readers. But it’s okay to not have readers too because I’m a much better person and so much less pretentious when the audience is not on my mind. I know this media of communication works on a duality. The writer and the reader. But I guess I have started to write so I could write and not so that someone can read it. It’s not the conventional way but it has a liberating value.

I am rambling. I know I am rambling. I am hungry and I haven’t had coffee.

Picking up from my last blog post about mattering and how there is probably not an original idea left to have after a human existence of 6 million years, I might have found a way to bring myself some peace and it’s not just being a good burrito. In fact I don’t even know how that and what I am about to say now even go together. But get this, the one way to get over the anxiety about not mattering (I wonder if there is a clinical term for this) is to STAND OUT!!!!

Truly being forgotten is inevitable and there are way too many people on earth. Being remembered by all of them will definitely be something but all of them want to matter and that could be a problem. I mean I know like ten of the people off my contact list.

There are people who have managed to matter on a worldwide scale. They are the heroes selling out tickets to giant arenas and having the world laugh at their pain and writing novels about the Lannisters and writing songs about the static age and building platforms to connect the world and working to improve household lives and some have managed to piss off whole nations and wipe out one-third of a whole race and some rule the world with ignorance. I don’t know how they did it but they did it.

There are unsung heroes who no one will remember not just in the next hundred years but within the next decade. Hazel Grace thought that it should be enough that we mattered to very few who love us; family, friends. I know there are people who don’t have either. Do they just fade away?

Nowadays we’re all looking for and finding people we have a lot in common with. We have so much in common with them we fall in love with them a little and this is a great thing for many people but it doesn’t settle right with me. I want to be the only person like me out there.

I have been called a nerd, I have been called boring, I have been called weird and I have been called ugly. But those people who were cool enough to be honest with me told me that I wasn’t anything in particular. They just found me unrelate-able.

Life might just be a linear existence with absolutely no point to it or maybe we really are around here for a reason. We get to choose which to believe although I doubt we’ll find out in time which one is correct.

The greatest thing
you’ll ever learn
is just to love
and be loved in return
-Nat King Cole (From the song Nature Boy)

I have honestly lost my point in this blog post but I am going to post it anyways. Brace yourselves for a third part for this particular topic because I feel like I might remember the point I was trying to make sometime in the near future perhaps during a boring Reaction Engineering class or smack in the middle of what should be a very important conversation with a colleague.



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