About Arranged Marriage

The majority of the writing work is thinking. During my days whether I’m eating, reading, running from balloons, sitting in class or sleeping, I’m mostly thinking about writing. And rest assured if I’m talking to you, I’ve probably at least thought about writing about you. 

Eyuel is sitting right in front of me right now and I just asked him what he notices when he sees people. He was only a little surprised by my random question but he’s used to me by now so he answered me anyways. He said, “Their clothes.” Guy#2 said, “If it’s a girl, I see the face then the ass. If it’s a guy I don’t bother.” Their answer is not the wrong answer although if they knew I was writing about it perhaps they would have said something different. 

It’s what we all see. The vessel is just about it. Lately I’ve been forced to see people as more than shoes (that’s what I notice) and face. I’ve started to recognize them rather like stories. Much like there are books on shelves containing many stories. People are pretty much the same. We don’t bother to know about these people until we are forced to do so like say we are locked in with them someplace and they start talking. 

I’ve known the kid since the beginning of the year. The term “know” always throws me off. I don’t know who to refer to as “know” because I’m never sure that I do “know” people. Let’s just say he and I were on a nod-hello-and-sometimes-highfive terms. But due to some circumstances today, I found myself locked in at the office with him and I don’t even know how we got to the arranged marriage discussion but we got there nonetheless. 

We all know that the general idea about arranged marriages is not a very popular one with our generation. I don’t know where we got the idea that we’re all going to fall in love with some stranger across a room and they’ll somehow fall back in love with us so we get to marry them and ride off into the sunset. This is probably Disney’s fault. This is the idea and hope we hold in our hearts but reality is a whole different story. 

I’m not a cynic. I like happy endings where I can find them but there’s just too many corny Facebook posts about loneliness and too many of my friends crying over broken hearts at fourteen. People are “falling in love” on a biweekly interval and counting ex-s in double digits at twenty. I don’t know how this works. I won’t pretend to be an expert. But I’ve heard very happy romantic stories that start with “I didn’t know him when he asked for my hand in marriage.” They usually end with, “Here we are twenty years later. We have four kids and we are happily married.” 

Like I said, I’m no love expert so let me quote my dear friend from whom I got the idea for this article. “Love is nothing more than deep familiarity.” He said his mother told him that. I still found it beautiful. Arranged marriages are usually put down because we don’t know whoever is coming to marry us. But give it time, get to know them and maybe like he said, you’ll be deeply familiar. I know it’s scary because the commitment comes first but it’s basically like a blind date. 

We all want to be in control of our romantic lives and some of us don’t even think about how we will be introducing our partners to our families and have them approve. We don’t put that in our fantasies because we are in control and we just want to pick out The One for ourselves and our parents will have to be okay with it because it’s our choice. Most of us will be divorced within five years.

I’m not saying that arranged marriage is the It thing. The absolute must have. But it’s definitely a good option. “I want my mother to pick out my wife.” He said. “I know she loves me and she wouldn’t pick out a girl that would be bad for me.” 

I know that some will not trust their mothers to pick out their shirts let alone their spouses. And that was a direct quote but just saying, it’s not a bad thing to consider when it starts to feel too late and too hopeless. It’s been tried by the previous generations and many of us are the result.

P.S. I genuinely want to know what everyone thinks. 


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