I was going to take time off this blog for this month and focus on other things. Believe it or not, I do other things too. But something came to my attention and while silence is usually a very good response to a lot of things, I wasn’t gifted with this particular trait of letting things go. I’m usually silent when you need me to talk.
When I thought of doing two posts per week here, I thought it was going to be good for my mental health and it has helped. There hasn’t been one theme to my posts and many of them are rants and first draft rants at that. But I was also able to have good conversations with great people. I even met some new and awesome people because of this blog. I have also been receiving certain messages about my blog that aren’t very smart.
I didn’t initially think anyone would read the blog and I’d decided that it didn’t matter if anyone read it or not but I think I was wrong because it has come to matter that people do read it. It has been like they’d been peeking into my thoughts which doesn’t feel very nice. And I can’t blame anyone really because I’d been putting it out there.
It’s okay that some readers don’t like what I write. I hear that the fact that it makes some people uncomfortable means I must be doing something right.
I do, however, want to make a few things clear. I’m probably not a very good writer. Almost all the blog entries under the “rambling thoughts” category have one thing in common. They are all about me. Somehow the ideas in this blog have come to enter people’s minds as me telling everyone that I am better than them. I probably am but I’m not going to show off.
If you litter, if you pee in the streets, if you think rape culture is great, if you think violence against women is okay because there is violence against men too…. Then you are a shit person and I am definitely better than you. My cat is better than you. My cat knows how to clean herself right and she doesn’t take shit from people.
Maybe I started this blog out of vanity and subconsciously looking for some validation or whatever. Reading it was always optional for people. It might have appeared as some kind of juvenile outlet for me as a person. But in a way, it is also like me finding my way through this life. Perhaps the fact that it is public was a mistake but honestly, I know that it has also inspired some people and made some people think.
In conclusion, I am not perfect. I am not the best at anything. Probably never will be. I’m definitely not a very good person. Just ask people who used to be my friends.
I will say again that I am not above righting my mistakes if you convince me that you are right and I was wrong. If what I write made anyone feel like I was saying that I was better, maybe you have some issues that you need to work out for yourselves. I don’t dress myself up into something I am not. I am what I am.
I’m not really the type of person to stop writing because someone didn’t like it. I wouldn’t stop if John Green came over here and told me my writing was shit. I wouldn’t stop if my writing somehow ended up making people sick to the stomach.
I will continue to write if it kills you.
You still didn’t have to read this but you did. You need help.