This holiday weekend I went on a much deserved trip away from campus and home to a place where I would be comfortable but alone to think.
I thought discovering things about oneself was a good thing and that wasn’t really the plan but that was what happened. What I wanted was to rest and I did rest.
It wasn’t the conventional kind of rest where one would sleep in all day eating chips and binge watching Game of Thrones or where one would take a book to a far away place and listen to Beethoven while reading. No. That is what I do when finals are coming and I should be studying.
This rest was where I put many things I cared about to the side. Like my patience, my pride, my sense of ይሉኝታ, my journal and my headphones.
I met with family when a regular over thinking me would come up with an excuse not to hangout with older people who knew my parents. I learned more about my very interesting feudal ancestry and discovered that people don’t actually forget you. Family, no matter how distant, will always be a thin string you tag along. I also discovered that I might look like a total split between both my parents which is very weird.
I went to a mountain top to see a large cross that doesn’t have any significance to me. Everyone warned me that I would probably get raped if I went alone. Everyone was so insistent on how dangerous it would be. I went alone. I didn’t get raped. It’s not because I am brave or whatever. When I returned they told me I was brave but I just basically took a chance to believe that things don’t always turn out for the worst.
My “rest” started Friday and ended this evening (Monday).Now its back to the real world.
I learned and I didn’t direct my thought stream. It just went on and I didn’t record it by writing. I didn’t talk to anyone about it. And at times I just stopped and felt grateful for it.
I think I have seen somethings like the fact that jerks exist everywhere. Where ever you go, you’re likely to ran into an asshole but there will also be good people. Goodness and jackassery aren’t really dependent on location. There’s a bit of both everywhere.
I also think now that pretentiousness and me thinking that I sounded pretentious is something I created in my head because I heard someone else talk about it. It should have been enough for me that I knew something to be true about me. Criticism doesn’t always say a lot about the criticized and because there is so many of them, doesn’t make them true. Sometimes it reveals the nature of the critique.
Aspiring to be like the people you admire is not good for your mental wellbeing and do not ever meet the people you admire. They will always disappoint you. If you admire someone take several steps back and watch them from a distance. It is possible to fall in love with an idea of a person and what I often see is that we blame the person for not appearing to be the idea we created. It’s stupid and shouldn’t be something we waste our time on.
I don’t think I have a favorite color. My road trip was during dusk and I hiked the mountain to the cross at dawn. There were a lot of organic colors everywhere. I’ve always though that Scarlett red was my favorite color and orange the one I disliked most. But the thing is I like Scarlett red but I wouldn’t wear it. I hate orange but I stared at it for a good half hour and something about it almost made me cry. There was a lot of green, a lot of smoky yellow and a lot of grey. They were all beautiful and ugly too at given times and places.
I think I had a lot of ideas I my head that I was going to write about here in this blog. Today and for the rest of the year. But this will be my last blog post for this particular site.
Maybe I’ll start another blog. Maybe I’ll never write again. It doesn’t matter because I think I have finally realized why I’ve been keeping this particular blog and what’s been affecting the way that I write. Therefore it has served its purpose and may now end.
P.S. It’s been fun.